IMPORTANT: Do not read this if you did not go to Coachella, for you will only end up frustrated and confused…
* 22 Things I Learned At Coachella 2010 *
1. Golf carts are the new Bentleys, helicopters the new G5, and “Backstage” wristbands the new black card (until security informs you yours is fake and you are out 1200 bucks)
2. Two blackberry batteries are better than one
3. Battery saving tip: change bbm status to “No, I do not have any extra tickets”
4. Once you are “wristbanded” for a party you MUST keep it on all weekend, even if the party is over, and even if it’s Saturday and the wristband says “Friday” on it
5. If you are male – A cute 19 year old girl from Simi Valley, CA will ALWAYS be able to get a cooler, larger, and more powerful collection of wristbands than you can
6. If you are female – You MUST upload a picture of all of your wristbands on Facebook to make your guy friends jealous
7. At parties people with uniform-looking t-shirts will try to hand you free bottles of juice made by companies you have never heard of. This juice is generally not good and should be avoided.
8. Girls must dress “bohemian-chic”, headband mandatory, guys must dress hipster, striped tank-top mandatory
9. Extra bonus if your sunglasses feature some form of neon
10. There will always be someone with a bigger, badder and more hipster beard than yours
11. Someone named “Mollie” will get with almost all of your friends
12. If you meet girls from Hollywood in the VIP area and they seem to be pissy, don’t take it personal, they are just angry about not having cell service to Twitter
13. When all of your friends are dancing and singing along to a supposedly-popular song that you do not know, just clap, move your lips, and take off one article of clothing
14. If hippies are sitting on the grass with 100 yards of the stage during a high energy song it is totally ok to step on them
15. If you are not time-stamping your text messages you are doing something wrong
16. It is ok to eat that extra slice of pizza because you will be walking 15 fucking miles every day
17. Thou shalt not put on a wristband so tightly that it cannot be slipped off and loaned to a friend
18. Thou shalt not refuse a free ride back to your hotel from the Festival grounds
19. Thou shalt check that the restroom has toilet paper BEFORE thou sits down
20. Thou shalt proceed with caution when offered a brownie
21. Thou shalt ask what *exactly* is in the bag BEFORE putting it in thou nasal cavity
22. Thou shalt drink lots of water, and live to tell about it.
Happy Coachella, you crazy crazy fools.
C.
http://twitter.com/craigclemens